A Bit About Me.
Feral meaning:
"one that has escaped from domestication and returned, partly or wholly, to its wild state"
Xtian meaning: "christian,
the x comes from latin and is the latin letter for christ, i.e. x-tian means christ-tian or christian."
6th May 2006
Thought I'd write a short piece about me, what my beliefs are and how I got to where I am.
I'm in a thoughtful mood after helping at an event last Monday. It was a Christian event aimed at helping people explore their spirituality. I helped on a stall and talked about various pagan ideas. Luckily I had chance to listen to a seminar by Pauline Warner on May Day. I heard her speak about Beltane and was curious to meet her.
So, I found myself saying "hi" and "I celebrated Beltane last night". This caught her interest! Yet for me, I suddenly panic inwardly. I'm not used to being so open about my activities to random strangers. (yeah i know this web site is open to strangers but I choose my words carefully here ;) ). So, the next thing is I find myself telling Pauline that I'm a Christian Druid. She asks if I still attend church to which I reply yeah. I go to a bimonthly High Church meditation and incense evening service at a C of E church. Then for some unknown reason I found myself blurting out I used to be a preacher and had tried to go for ordination. This was possibly because we were at the Cathedral where I have seen many a priesting. Then I find myself saying that my spiritual journey encompassing the pagan ideas really took of from the Church rejecting my Calling. I think she may have asked what attracted me to paganism. I said i guess I've always had a wild side that craves communion with nature. Also, once a priest told me not to touch the occult which was the worst thing to do cos, of course, I wanted even more to discover the occult.
On the one hand, i did inwardly groan that I had mentioned my Calling rejection but the other I just shrug it off and go "whatever". I'm just aware of how sad it appears when a person can't let go of the past and keeps on referring to it time and again. I don't want to be one of those people. On my journey i have seen many and always I am filled with compassion. And yet that day, that moment of utter rejection and destroyment, is undeniably a major point in my life. From that point my spiritual journey took on a new relevance, a hunger to understand, to know and find other like minded souls.
I read 'Freeing the Feminine by Elspeth and Gordon Strachan' which kick started many ideas. Slowly I realised that the feminine principle had been missing from my life. Church had suppressed her and my Computer technician job working with men had me forgot my femaleness. So I started to look for the Goddess. I found her as Sophia wisdom in the Bible and as Shekinah. Now she all the Mary's in the NT. I say all because the three have for me become the maiden, mother and crone.
I've also read much about witchcraft because its an area that has always fascinated me. I've read up on Druidry too. Last year and the year before I have taken part in witchcraft rituals which celebrated the turn of the year. Privately, I have created my own rituals for various purposes. Now I mainly stay with Druidic philosophy. Mainly cos I have a very good Druid friend whom I allows me to be me and I trust utterly. But also cos it feels right working with the Elements, the ancestors and spirits of place.
Now, I do as I please. I go to church if I feel moved to, pray when I remember to and do a ritual when ever I feel the need to. I sense that Christ is always there whatever I am doing. I know that my intent is key to my journey. My intent is to follow Christ and learn about the love he gave. So if I stick to my intent through everything I do then I know I'm following Christ. I worship Christ and Mary together with the knowledge they are part of of the One, the I Am.
In the name of the Lover, the Beloved and the Loved!
Feral.
